A few days ago MINI officially unveiled the for-production, two-seater convertible Roadster. After poring over numerous photos and technical data, I’ve concluded that the 2012 MINI Roadster Convertible is the most awesome worst car ever made.  Seriously.    I can’t even begin to go over all the details MINI managed to exceed all my expectations screw this one up on.    Here are just few:

Manual Top? Ludicrous!

A manual top? Genuis!  Ludicrous!  Sure it lowers the center of gravity, shaves off about 50 pounds and $500 off the MSRP, but what it obviously lacks is the ultimate douchebaggery of activating the automatic top in the Whole Foods parking lot off a keyfob, or while waiting for the light on Sand Hill Road. You know- right when every one is watching.  Because, that’s what you a get a convertible for, right?  Without an automatic roof, one might have to actually GET OFF THE PHONE for two seconds!  Heavens!

Go-kart handling, luxury styling, and great gas mileage too?!  Nonsense!  While no official EPA MPG numbers are available at the time of this post (the “hard top” Coupe lists at 35hwy/27city), what’s the fun in smoking TTs and leased 3-Series’ at 0-60 MPH in 6.3 seconds if you can’t complain about the price of gas when you’re done?  I mean, really!

Sorry- No room for tricycles.

Another win fail for MINI is the entire two-seater concept.  Without even the semblance of a back seat found in the previous Cabrios, no one will never be able to cart a menagerie of screaming adorable neighborhood kids to day care, the park, or soccer practice.  MINI claims you can fit a set of skis, golf clubs, or 8 bags of luggage, but the nearly 8-1/2 cubic foot storage area is nary enough for the average trip to Home Depot, Costco, or an extended family’s worth of perfunctory inspiring holiday presents as you travel across the country to endure relish a few days of claptrap witty banter and painful wonderful memories.

MINI Roadster Cockpit

With only two seats, a Motorer’s dating pool is quickly reduced to only independently minded folks who couldn’t spec out a bedroom or appliance set if their progeny depended on it.  Literally!  Sorry kids- no washing machines here.

Personally, I cannot recommend anyone purchasing the 2012 MINI Roadster Convertible.  In fact I will go on the record as actively discouraging it.  If I had my way, no one will buy one, and MINI will be forced to lower the yet announced price to foster what little margin they can eek out.   At least until a poor sap like me can snatch one up.

Note: All images in this post respectfully copied from MotoringFile.com. Because, you know, don’t wanna overload the servers by rudely hotlinking to them, right?  Right?  You can get all the information you’d ever want to know about the MINI Roadster and all other models at MotoringFile.com. Its where all MINI dealers go for their info, so should you!